Thursday, 3 December 2015

Guess who is going to tread foot on British soil?

Hello, World! 
I haven't posted in a very long while so my deepest apologies, I have missed you all so much. It is with my apologies and excitement, that I am happy to announce, I will be returning to the United Kingdom and planning on staying there from 23rd December 2015. This is due to a number of things the first being that I am currently not happy in my employment, nothing to do with my employees or my pupils in the classroom, but I personally do not enjoy teaching and the more I stay trying to enjoy it the more I am realising that I miss blogging, counselling and generally caring for people in an alternate way.
I would like to thank my partner Tom, who has been overly supportive and brilliant throughout, he was the person who helped get me the job in Egypt and took care of my accommodation whilst I was here, he's supported me and done so much more, he really is truly amazing, I can't even stress how important he is to me and I owe him so much for being there for me, looking out for me and not being grossed out by me, even when I'm eating sweetcorn with my hands!
I would also like to thank the amazing support of my head co-ordinator, May, and the rest of the year 3 team, Brinette, Louise, Jenna and Rajwana who have given me so much advice, help and support throughout my time here they have made it so much easier for me to feel at home and I really appreciate all your expertise! Kayleigh, who has been a fantastic friend to have and has reignited my love for drama and the performing arts I would have been lost without her energetic and positive attitude. I would also like to thank the supportive parents of my pupils, who have shown great care for myself and of course, their children, but they have been fantastic throughout my time here so I really want to say, thank you. Everyone else who has made my time in Egypt exceptional, all the fantastic people I have met I want to thank you :) You have been brilliant! 
    I feel like it is the right time to return home and focus on myself. Those of you who have read "Meet my friend Anxi" know that I have been struggling with mental illness for the good part of 6 years. Before I left for Egypt this took a severe turn for the worst, the best way I can describe what I felt, it was like I was suddenly thrown into a dark black room, no windows, no doors and suddenly I was being thrown from one wall to another by my own emotions. It felt like I had no control and I still feel as though I have no control right now.
    I no longer want to be trapped in this room where I'm just hurtled around by my own feelings, I want to have control, I want to think logically, I want to be myself again because often I feel like I have lost myself to my emotions.
    I do not always feel like this, I do not always have days where I'm so low that leaving my bed is a difficult task, in fact, I have days where I feel like I could take on a 70ft tall fire-breathing dragon, who is on a strict "eat the Natalie's" only diet. I want to have constant dragon fighting days, days where no matter what happens-sad news or good, I feel like I can rationally take it on. I can't stop the negative thoughts popping into my head, but I want to be able to not let them control me, to not let them set off or cause feelings of sadness and emptiness, anger, frustration etc. I want to be in control and have the choice to be happy, at present I don't feel like I have the control to choose to do that.
    I will be back in the UK which means I will be back to beauty blogging in a number of weeks! I can not wait to share my Christmas beauty goodies with you all!
    Chow for now! 

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